


The Lies We Tell Ourselves In The Interest of Self-Preservation

by TheNightshadeDeluxe



Category: Catfish: The TV Show
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Guilt, M/M, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-07-29 21:43:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7700821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNightshadeDeluxe/pseuds/TheNightshadeDeluxe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Max starts having non-stop erotic dreams about Nev. It's confusing and exhausting and he doesn't quite know how to act around his best friend and colleague. He's cranky and tired and Nev's non-stop flirting isn't helping matters. Beer and insanity might just make matters worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Worst Thing About Denial Is All The Crocodiles

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this a little while ago but as per usual, it was wasn't right (impatient soul that I am). So, I've reworked it and changed a few things that weren't working for me. Hope you enjoy! LET'S GET OUR ANGST ON. ^_^

Max had never considered himself anything other than straight; it just wasn’t something he ever had the need to think about. It came as naturally as breathing to him, it was just part of who he was. Or so he’d thought. 

The last handful of months working closely with Nev; day in, day out and overnight in some cases, had made him question that pre-conceived notion. Nev, who he’d known for years, would shamelessly flirt with him on and off camera. What was worse was when he would get handsy with him and get in Max’s personal space. Nev was naturally flirty and could charm the pants off of anybody...and often did. All figuratively, of course. It drove Max insane mostly for the mixed signals his brain seemed to be obsessing over and latching onto and making more of a deal out of than was necessary recently. 

Max kept reminding himself that he was, by and large, straight as an arrow. He doesn’t quite remember when (or why) the erotic dreams had started or what had triggered them. His brain seemingly out of nowhere began painting his nightly dreamscapes in the beguiling shades of his friend and co-host as a Nev-Eros hybrid he’d never seen in daylight hours and likely never would. 

The first time Nev turned up in his dreams, which was nothing more than Nev trying to kiss him, he was weirded out and felt strangely guilty because in his dream-state he had wanted him to. It was not as though he had any control over the things his mind tortured him with as he slept. As a result, Max was more agitated and grumpier than usual which seemed to give Nev more reason and impetus to be up in his grill, ruffling his hair and telling him that he was a fluffy bunny and that drowsy, grumpy Maxie was his all time favourite. 

Max had started to wonder if Nev was some kind of Djinn, an Incubus, maybe even a Siren. After all, they’d seen some shit over the years so he wasn’t sure that it was entirely outside of the realms of possibility. Given how Nev’s flirting and invasion of his personal space seemed to get worse once his dreams started, he’d kind of wondered if he knew. Or maybe he’d just started paying closer attention to the way Max was acting. Either way, it was strange and unsettling and Max wasn’t sure he knew how to be around him. It wasn’t Nev’s fault and it wasn’t Max’s either. He didn’t know how to shrug it off. 

Nev would tease him mercilessly – in the same adoring and charming way that he always did – about how grumpy he was and would ply him with coffee and mess up his hair or cradle his face in his hands and tell him how cute he was when he was tired and snarky. So Max played into it because he was tetchy. And so very fucking tired. Add to that the fact that he was as confused as shit about how or why he was feeling the way he was. It was stupid. He was stupid. It was just the long days and nights fucking with his mind. 

Obviously. 

*

One night after a long day of filming for a case, they were chilling out in Nev’s room. They ate dinner together and had a few drinks to unwind, talking about the day and the case. After dinner, Nev showed him a music video from a couple of k-pop dudes. Zutter or something Max thinks it was called. It was all kinds of bizarre but the song was kinda catchy and the visuals were pretty entertaining. Max laughed at the bathroom scene. That was all kinds of fucking weird but ultimately hilarious. 

Nev told him, as casual as you like, that he thought the platinum one with the dimples was hot as fuck as they watched him seemingly disembowelling something. Max had tried to hide the mixture of stunned amusement and shock swirling in his chest but he laughed at Nev’s brazen admission. 

Nev acted affronted, before adding with a knowing smirk: “I’ve always had a bit of a thing for platinum hotties, though. Didn’cha know?”

Max was sure he was going to choke on his beer. He wanted to ask what he meant by that but Nev just winked at him and laughed it off. Okay, so just Nev dicking around again. Max laughed and ran his fingers through his hair and decided to play along. 

“Hey, we can’t help that we’re so goddamn irresistible,” he said with a teasing pout. 

He laughed at how ridiculous it was, playing Nev at his own game and cutting directly to the chase. A look flashed across Nev’s face, it was only momentary but it didn’t go unnoticed by Max. 

“Ohhhh, I see how it is you conceited jerk!” Nev countered, chuckling. 

Emboldened, Max pushed further: “Hey, you’re the one who can’t seem to keep your hands off me. What am I supposed to think?” He ruffled his hair, wiggled his eyebrows at Nev and chewed his lip to bite back the self-satisfied grin that threatened to break. Nev seemed momentarily dumbfounded and Max felt somewhat vindicated. Shots well and truly fired. 

“Well, I can’t argue that Maxie,” Nev purred in a way that sent a violent jolt of electricity through his body as the taller of the two moved his chair closer to close the gap between them. Max felt his chest tighten and all of the air left his lungs. It was suddenly too hot and too close in this room. Oh, shit. “Maybe I really can’t keep my hands off you...but I think you might just like it,” Nev said, narrowing his eyes as he cupped his face and stroked the side of his cheek with his thumb. 

Christ on a fucking cracker! This was suddenly getting all too real. Dreams were one thing, but this? Max wasn’t prepared for anything of the sort. The panic was setting in and Max’s stomach was in knots. Nev looked at him, patiently waiting for him to react. Max stifled the shudder his touch sent coursing through his insides but he doubted he could control the fire it set ablaze under his skin and low in his belly. Nor could he control the way his pupils blew wide under Nev’s soft, smirking scrutiny. The beer was clearly loosening his inhibitions but Jesus fuck, what the hell was he supposed to do with this?

“Ahhhh,” Nev drawled, “there it is!” Nev leant in close purring low against his ear: “You and I know all too well that the eyes don’t lie, Maxie.” 

Fuck-fuck-fuckety-fuck-fucking-fucksticks. 

The trap was well and truly sprung and he’d walked right into it. Max squeezed his eyes closed and swallowed hard. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe and his brain had ceased functioning the second Nev had moved in close to him. He tried to muster the full force of his willpower to remind himself that he was straight and they were both ramrod straight arrows. Straight. Arrows. Buildings. Rockets. Towering obelisks. He would not focus on the phallic nature of the examples his brain was throwing at him in that instant. For fuck sakes! 

Max also tried desperately to disregard the intoxicating warmth of Nev’s body heat so close to him. He also wouldn’t focus on the trail of sweet fire his touch laid under his skin. No, he would not acknowledge all the warped imagery his treacherous brain threw at him in the milliseconds between then and now. He tried to ignore the way his heart hammered in his chest and the way his blood thundered in his ears and the way his breathing felt laboured and came too quickly. 

The pregnant pause seemed to stretch on for an eternity before Nev leant back and spoke again: “It’s okay, Max. It’s okay to want this,” he said, placing a hand on his shoulder squeezing reassuringly. “And it’s okay to be freaked out. I get it. But you just have to let me know which way to go here, Max. I don’t want this to be something you end up regretting.”

“I...uh...I just....” Max opened his eyes and sighed heavily not knowing what he truly wanted, too confronted by the possibility of anything actually eventuating. 

Would they regret anything if something did happen? He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure. He needed time to think. He wasn’t expecting the night to take the turn that it had. Even though his dreams tortured him with the sensations and sounds of Nev’s hot skin against his, the soft caress of his fingers, the sounds of his pleasured whimpers and the sweetness of his kiss for months, it was all too real and far too much all at once. 

“I’m... sorry Nev, I can’t, I can’t. It’s just too much right now. I’m sorry,” he said unable to meet his friend’s eyes.

“Hey, it’s totally fine, Max. I understand. I promise. And this” Nev gestured between them, “won’t get weird, I promise you.” Nev stood and backed away, giving Max some space. “I guess we should call it a night anyway, it’s been a long day.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right,” Max said, kind of thankful that whatever almost could have happened, didn’t. He stood and made his way to the door: “Alright, I’ll see ya tomorrow.” 

“Sweet dreams, Maxie,” Nev said forlornly to his departing form as the door closed behind him. 

*

Max made his way back to his own room next door, quickly showered, brushed his teeth and readied himself for bed. As he climbed in beneath the sheets, he tried to let everything that happened drift away but he truly wasn’t sure he’d be able to. 

As sleep quickly settled over him, the dreams hit him again with full force. 

*

It was just after one am when Max woke with a start, sheets wet, breathing heavily and a familiar, weighted ache lingering between his thighs. He knotted the sheets in his fists and buried his face into the wads of fabric. He was going crazy he knew it. If he didn’t get a night’s reprieve from the non-stop erotic dreams and get some proper interrupted sleep, he was going to completely fucking snap. 

Tonight’s dream was the worst yet. The feel of Nev’s skin and teeth and tongue against him was almost palpable in the dark. All the gods above and below knew Max wanted and his body ached in response. The fierce ache that still blazed hot and insatiable in him now. 

Nev’s words resounded in his mind and he wondered why he’d said that he didn’t want it to be something that Max might regret. Would Nev not regret it? Was Nev trying to tell him that he was attracted to him, too? That he’d thought about him in the same way? That he burned every night in the confines of sleep dreaming about his touch? 

He’d never been in this position before and he didn’t know what to do or how to respond.

Or so he thought.


	2. The Rise of the Id and The Libertine Quandary (aka The Point of No Return)

Nev was woken suddenly by a sharp rapping at his door. 

He peeked at the bedside clock; the green illuminated digits informed him that it was 1:33 a.m. 

_Who the fuck was it at this time of night?_

“Just a second,” he called groggily as he clambered out of bed slipping a robe around his mostly naked form. He trudged to the door and squinted through the peephole.

It was Max.

He unlocked the door and pulled it open. Max flew into the room pushing the door shut behind him, locking it in the process. Nev was worried. Max seemed agitated. Really fucking agitated. 

“Max, are you—?”

Nev’s question was silenced with the force of Max’s body pressed into his against the wall, Max staring at him in the dark, breathing heavily. In an instant, his mouth was sliding and moulding over his own, his fingers gripping his hair and Max’s full hardness pressed into his thigh. The abruptness and the intensity of it shocked him. He wasn’t expecting to be woken in the middle of the night by Max kissing him hungrily and grinding him into the wall. To be honest, it was not entirely unwelcome either.

All bets were off once Max slowed from his initial force and gently slid his tongue into Nev’s mouth with a choked moan. Nev responded with the same intensity, drawing him in and pulling him into a softer, slower pace. Nev pulled them away from the wall, shucking the scratchy robe in the process as he manoeuvred them towards the bed. Nev gently leant Max onto the bed before Max drew back from the kiss, breathless. His lips were kiss-swollen and he regarded him ravenously. 

“Well, holy fuck. I wasn’t expecting that,” Nev teased before laying a trail of soft kisses and nipping at Max’s throat making the man beneath him gasp. 

“Are you sure this isn’t gonna get weird?” Max whispered into the dark space between them.

“Well, it might get a little funky, definitely a whole lotta freaky, but no never weird,” Nev smirked down at him, “unless you’re into that sort of thing.”

Max laughed: “You know you talk too much. Now, shut the hell up and kiss me before I change my fucking mind.” 

“Sir, yessir!” Nev teased as he slid into place against him. He leant in to commence slowly kissing Max into the sheets beneath them. 

Nev was going to make damn sure that Max knew he’d made the right decision. 

*

Somewhere far beneath the ardent melange of bewilderment, excitement, stirring heat and the soft lapping of Nev’s tongue into his mouth, Max wondered how long Nev had wanted this. 

He wasn’t entirely focused on it, because blue blazing hells, Nev was busy kissing him breathless and he was giving just as good as he was getting. The way Nev held him and kissed him and ground himself into his body gave him his answers enough but there was still the niggling, burning need to know that flickered in the deeper recesses of his mind. But it could – and would – fucking wait. 

The next thought in that direction was ferociously swept beneath another wave of unbridled lust when Nev moved his attentions down to the tender skin of his throat. He laved a soft trail of suckling kisses down to his shoulder making Max bite his lower lip and moan in such a dirty way that Nev shuddered against him. Nev had made that happen and he fucking loved the sound of it. Nev roughly nipped at his shoulder with a small growl for effect and the sound came again. 

Nev raised his head to husk low against his ear: “Just what the fuck am I gonna do with you, Mister Joseph?”

“Do your goddamned worst, Schulman. I dare you.” Max’s voice was rough with need and it sent a fiery jolt through Nev’s core. 

Nev quirked an eyebrow at him: “Oooh, young padawan,” he cooed. “You have much to learn about my worst.”

Max pushed himself up onto his elbows, his lips millimetres from Nev’s: “Then what the fuck are you waiting for? A written invitation?” Max pushed forward to connect their lips, his tongue darting into Nev’s mouth. 

Nev wasn’t going to last very long at this rate. Max was in his bed egging him on to do more than this, teasing him with his tongue, legs splayed beneath him and a sinful roll of his hips upward made their clothed cocks brush against each other, making Nev almost lose his mind. Max was a perfectly debauched libertine in the faded half-light spilling in from the streetlights through small slits in the curtains. Nev wasn’t sure he wasn’t going to be left needing more of him, of them, of this. 

They’d gone from zero to hot and heavy within a matter of moments and Nev knew he should exercise some kind of restraint and slow things down but he also wanted to know how far Max was willing to go. Nev leant in to kiss Max hard again, grinding his hips down into him making the older man groan around his tongue. The sound was pure licentious filth and it was a glorious thing to behold. Selfishly, Nev wanted more. He wanted to make that sound echo around the walls, let the neighbours hear it, let the whole fucking world hear it. 

Nev pulled back from those soft lips and ordered Max to get naked. “Only if you do,” came Max’s guttural and daring response. Within seconds, they’d removed the remaining fabric between them and were blissfully naked beneath the sheets. Nev wanted to take a second just to drink him in – to bear witness to the spectacle of Max’s glorious naked arousal. He wasn’t sure this opportunity would ever present itself again and he wanted to revel in it, if only for a moment. 

He slowly slid a hand down Max’s body, fingers skirting around Max’s hardness, and further down in between his thighs, which made him shudder and whimper. Goddammit, Max. He was completely in Nev’s hands; so utterly vulnerable and trusting. It was beyond delicious and Nev wanted Max to be comfortable with him and what they were doing. By the same token, the sights, sounds and the feel of his hot skin and his thick cock bobbing against him were beyond exhilarating and Nev simply fucking wanted. 

Max’s head fell back into the downy pillows; eyes squeezed shut, sheets knotted inside his fists and his back arched off the bed when Nev finally slipped his fingers around his length. Nev smirked to himself as his fingers moved along his thick shaft, slowly at first, in light, teasing strokes until Max begged and pleaded and made the neediest whimpering sounds. Nev eventually relented. 

Nev fisted his cock with slow, measured flicks of his wrist fingers twisting at the top before sliding back down. Max’s breath faltered with each delicate movement and Nev leant in to kiss him again, fingers working him into a panting, writhing, moaning wreck. Nev kissed down his body, fingers never ceasing in their work as Max bucked his hips into Nev’s hand with each increasing pump and roll of his fingers. Max’s gratified moans became more urgent the further south Nev went. He smirked as he skirted around his bristling cock, his chin brushing the tip more than once as his tongue made random patterns across the soft plains of his stomach. 

When he’d decided that he’d had enough teasing, Nev moved his hand and slicked a hot-wet trail from his balls all the way up to the tip of his cock, tongue swirling around the glans. He eyed Max wickedly as he suctioned his lips around the tip, tongue sliding across the slit.

“Oh Jesus, FUCK NEV!” Max panted. 

Nev suddenly swallowed him down, almost to the root, the back of his throat soft and warm against the tip of his cock and Max was going to lose his mind. Nev’s mouth made a slick wet vacuum around him; he increased his pace, head bobbing and wrist joining the fray in a valiant effort to get him off. At this rate, it wasn’t going to take long. 

Max shuddered and bucked and filled Nev’s ears with more hot-dirty sounds as Nev blew him until he was almost there; Max’s urgent bucking and choked whimpers giving him away. Nev stopped his delicious ministrations and reached over for the bedside drawer, grabbing lube from within before slicking himself up before lashing their cocks together with his fingers, stroking them together slowly at first and building up a steady rhythm and more delicious friction. 

Max arched up off the bed. The new sensation of Nev’s hot, lube-slicked cock and fingers against his were too much and it wasn’t long before he was coming, body shuddering and pulsing white-hot arcs streaking between them. Nev followed him down soon after. Watching – and hearing – Max coming undone had broken him and sent intense sparks of white-hot electricity shooting through him and stars exploding behind his eyes. Nev slumped forward against him coming down hard from his own climax, his chest heaving, and his body – flickering embers still blazing and pulsing through him – unable and unwilling to move. 

They lay tangled together in the breathless, sweaty, sticky aftermath; small fiery sparks sputtered and flared beneath their skin, their bodies silently vibrating and quaking beneath the surface as they gradually descended from ecstatic heights. 

“Fucking hell,” Max muttered, breathless and dazed, against the top of Nev’s head, his fingers making random patterns in the dark mass of his hair. 

“Yeahhhh,” Nev agreed, the word lethargically sighed against Max’s chest. 

Nev knew that Max’s words were far more than just an expression of post-coital bliss. There was a steely significance behind it that declared that the cogs had started turning again. Nev didn’t need to look at Max to know where his head was at, where it was destined to be. Nev sighed against him; a bitter cold stone grew and swelled inside his chest and cleaved to his heart with each subsequent breath. 

Nev eventually moved first once his breathing had normalised and he was able to. He gingerly pulled himself away from the delicious heat of Max’s body. Nev returned from the small bathroom with a cloth to clean them off and he did it with such care, cleaning the evidence of their physical pleasure from Max’s stomach, almost reverentially. Max watched him; it was an unguarded moment that he was privy to, more so than the ones that had preceded it and it struck him like a physical blow. A soft affection bloomed and radiated in his chest at the sight, raw and unexpected. 

There was something in the way Nev took care of him, how he touched him and looked at him. Max didn’t say anything at that point; it wouldn’t have been right to interrupt such a moment. Nev took the cloth back into the bathroom, cleaning himself off and returning with a bottle of water for them both before climbing back under the covers with him. 

Nev sidled up against Max, leaning up on one elbow and watching the engine whirring silently behind those mercurial eyes: “Hey. How ya doin’, Maxie?”

“Pretty fucking fantastic, why?” he answered, looking up at him curiously.

Nev propped his head on the pillow, his fingers tracing a soft line under Max’s jaw and he couldn’t deny that he, too, was feeling pretty damn incredible. But, he also knew that there was a lurking darkness that needed to be addressed in some form or another.

“Because this is a pretty massive shift in just about everything,” Nev said quietly, not meeting his eyes. 

“Yeah, I know,” Max said, reaching up to twine his fingers in with Nev’s. “But, I think we’ll be okay.”

Nev wasn’t convinced that everything was going to be okay just like that. He knew Max and he knew that he was going to head into an intense tailspin about how it would affect everything from here on out. If not now, he knew the inevitable crash would come soon. It was an inevitability he had to prepare himself for, even now, basking in the afterglow. Nev had a habit of falling hard and fast and fuck the consequences to hell and back. This time would likely be no different. Except he wouldn’t have Max to help pick up the pieces again, he’d be riding it out alone without the one person he needed.

_Way to royally fuck that up, Nev._

“I know you said you didn’t want it to get weird, and from my perspective, I promise you it won’t. But if it does for you, that’s okay too,” Nev ventured. It was stated in the vain hope that making it sound like he was cool with Max walking away was going to be just A-Okay when the inverse was clearly true. 

Max registered the solemness in Nev’s words and in his eyes. A warm flood of affection stirred through him again and he had his answers then. Nev’s actions and words were far too considered for this to be new, too well thought out and calculated to be simply off the cuff. How long? How long had it been? 

“Shhh,” Max chided quietly with a furrowed brow. He placed a finger against Nev’s lips to quiet him, “You really do talk too much, Nev.” His words were soft, placating, not intended as criticism. Max knew that Nev was over thinking it; much in the same way he did and likely would do tomorrow. But tomorrow could go fucking hang for now. 

Max smiled as he pulled him down to kiss him again, this time, more measured and deliberate. It was languid and unhurried, as though they weren’t friends and colleagues who had just become first-time lovers _(of course they were)_. A kiss that signified that they had as much time as they would ever need to keep exploring each other away from the prying eyes of the outside world _(of course they didn’t)_. The world they knew was just on the other side of that motel door waiting to come crashing in and tear it all apart _(of course it would)_. 

Nev sunk further into Max’s ardent kiss, not wanting to push or argue or to understand what it meant but to accept what was happening right now. His head spun as Max’s tongue slipped into the soft confines of his mouth and he was set adrift in his kiss. Nev knew that the time for talking and repercussions would come later, when the cold light of day streamed in through the windows and shattered all illusions of what could, should and in stark reality would never be.

For now, they’d ride out the unbridled waves of their lust each figuring they had already crossed a line so why stop now? They’d carouse in the sweet pleasures of the id and dance to the decadent tunes of their libertine desires while they still could.


	3. The Super Ego is a Sanctimonious Jerk (and Bad Coffee Won't Help Matters)

Nev’s eyes flickered open and he cast a glance at the green numbers on the clock to his right. It was 6:43am. 

Nev stretched and yawned and slung an arm across Max’s middle, a leg casually hooked over his. He knew the spell would be broken as soon as Max woke so he did his best to be unobtrusive, to savour the precious few moments they had left before it all evaporated into the ether. Nev watched Max sleeping from his pillow for a few seconds in an effort to preserve this moment in his minds’ eye. 

The soft sweep of his long lashes against the tops of his cheeks, the lush full curve of pink lips juxtaposed against the white of his teeth, the grey scruff at his jaw, and the thick messy spray of the same shade across his pillow. Nev watched the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest as he slept, his eyes following the dips and curves of his body, and more particularly what lay further down beneath the sheets, committing it all to intimate memory. 

He sighed in spite of himself, couldn’t help it. They’d crossed a massive line. Things were going to be different now, and for better or worse there was no going back. Soon enough, Max was going to wake and the machinations of doubt and worry and fear would whir into life again. With that came the very real possibility of it never being addressed or mentioned ever again. Reality’s violent sting would disperse its cold influence over them and all he’d be left with was the blessed memory of this. All past tense and all relegated to a vivid dream.

Nev had royally screwed himself (both of them, quite literally and figuratively) and he knew it. The only thing to do now was to ride out the waves of the oncoming storms. Of which, he also knew, there’d undoubtedly be many. 

 

*

 

Max eventually woke and looked around the room, it was familiar yet it wasn’t. God, he was tired but for the first time in months, he was able to fall into a black motionless slumber without dreams of... _oh holy fuck!_ He was alone in the bed as the memories of where he was and with whom came flooding back to his sleep-addled brain. Total recall of the night’s escapades slammed back into the forefront of his mind with the swiftness of a falling anvil. 

_So, yeah, that fucking happened..._

He covered his face with his arms, clenched his jaw and swallowed thickly to bite back the deep groan building in his throat and sank back down into the pillows. The rapid droning of his internal panic machine was momentarily shocked into static silence by Nev’s innocuous question: “Hey, sleepyhead. You want some coffee?”

When Max finally looked up at him, Nev was dressed and holding a steaming cup towards him. Max shuffled back to sit himself up against the headboard and squinted at it. He knew it was instant coffee and as much as he hated the stuff, it would have to do. They were in the middle of nowhere with no good coffee shops as far as he could tell. He took the proffered cup with a wan smile and a quiet, bashful ‘thanks’. He took a few sips of the bitter brew that Nev had made for him, his face contorting in disgust with each mouthful. 

“Eh, it’s not that bad!” Nev said, a slow smile spreading across his face at Max’s evident displeasure. 

“Uh, yeah it is. Unless your taste buds have been completely annihilated, this is worse than dirty fucking dishwater.” Max groused, placing the half drunk cup on the bedside table. He needed to get the taste of the vile pigswill out of his mouth. 

Nev laughed. “Yeah well, beggars can’t be choosers I’m afraid.” 

Max made further grumbling noises as he clambered out of Nev’s bed taking the sheet with him and shuffled to the bathroom to rinse his mouth out. He groaned and griped as he trudged back towards the bed where he slumped down unceremoniously on the edge. 

“Well, there’s gotta be something better than that!” he complained. “Surely one of the crew knows somewhere?”

“Yeah, they probably do,” Nev looked at his phone to check the time, “and they’ll be here in under an hour so you need to get moving, toots.” Nev teased as he swallowed down the rest of the cup Max had abandoned.

Max screwed up his face at Nev, wanted to bitch about the pet names he was bestowing upon him but thought better of it. Instead, he simply shook his head and laughed because what else could he do?

This guy – in all ways imaginable – was going to be his living fucking end. 

 

*

 

Max, while somewhat displeased that they didn’t have any filming scheduled today, was thankful that they were still going to be busy researching and writing and working through the minutiae of a few different cases. There would also be tonnes of other people around so he wouldn’t have to keep thinking about everything that had happened just a few short hours prior. 

Fortunately, it turned out that someone in the crew did know where to get a half-decent coffee. Praise be. He just had to get through the next hour before he was blessed with the distracting cacophony of their company and a pail of his sweet, blessed caffeinated elixir. Thank the gods for all of these things. 

It was just after seven in the morning and he had nothing but time in which to sit and think and ponder and replay and overthink and torture himself over things some more while driving himself very slowly insane. With the erotic fog of earlier this morning now lifted, the harsh light of day made everything a little too sharp at the edges. Nev seemed nonchalant about the whole thing; Max was a nervous wreck waiting for the other shoe to drop. He wondered just how life would ever go back to normal after this, or if that was even possible. 

Max deliberated over whether he really would regret it, just like Nev had predicted. How was Nev so calm about this? What the fuck would Rel say? What the fuck did any of this even mean? Was he gay? Bisexual? Were they some kind of casual fuck buddies now whenever loneliness and insanity demanded it? Jesus H fucking Christ, he had no idea where or even how to begin unpacking all of this. 

As he sat on the edge of Nev’s bed wrapped in a sheet, a million of the same thoughts swirled in his head, one after the other, all at once, raging like a boiling cauldron behind his eyes. He thought of all the dreaded ways this could sink him, them, and just about everything. Nev could see the wheels spinning, almost hear the gears grinding as he processed what they’d done and what it could mean for them now. 

Nev broke his ruminations by gently tapping a forefinger against his temple: “Hey, you alright in there?”

“Mmm, yeah. I think so. I dunno. I mean...it’s all a little surreal... and really fucking overwhelming,” Max admitted running his fingers through his hair. 

Nev sidled up beside him: “Yeah, I know it is. But we’re gonna be alright. We’ll just keep all of this,” he made a sweeping circling motion between them with his hands, the same hands that had only hours ago brought him spectacularly undone, “on the down low. Not a peep to a soul outside of you and me, ‘kay?” 

Max nodded absently in agreement, his thumb flicking his bottom lip and Nev silently wished that he wouldn’t do that. It was highly distracting and not what was needed right now. Not while Max was in crisis over what had transpired in this very bed only a few hours ago. And certainly not while he was still naked beneath the sheet and looking ridiculously hot and utterly fuckable. Sleepy, dishevelled, naked Max in his bed where they’d just... 

No, now was definitely _not_ the time to be thinking about such things.

“Hey, if you wanna pass it all off as a moment of madness, we can do that too,” Nev shrugged, “if that makes you feel any better.” It was meant as a hopeful and nonchalant statement to assuage Max in his discomfited state, but in truth, it stung Nev to say it. He did his level best not to let it show, to tamp down his heart’s truth until he was alone and he could deal with it then. 

Max’s brow creased: “It doesn’t, but thank you for being so considerate,” he said offhandedly, unable to meet Nev’s unerring gaze again. He palmed his eyes, head leaning against the headboard and sighed heavily. 

Nev hated that Max was freaking out so much. Hated that he’d let it happen. He should have been more forceful against his own selfish desires but... hindsight was always twenty-twenty, wasn’t it? Nev didn’t regret it, not for an instant, but he really truly hated that Max seemed to. He had to fix this, had to get them back on track. He’d figure out a way for them to work through everything and be okay again. 

To cut through the quiet mounting tension, Nev slipped into his game face and jovially ordered Max out of his room before one of two things happened. The first was that he’d have his wicked way with him and really show him his worst, declaring that last night was just the tip of the cock-burg; or the second, that everyone else got here while Max was still in his bed, blessedly stark-naked, all but for a bed sheet and he’d leave him to explain that one all on his lonesome. 

“Now, we could sit around all morning considering or enacting these points,” Nev said playfully ruffling Max’s sleep-and-sex ruffled bouffant, “but we’ve got work to do and I’m a consummate professional, goddammit!” 

Max chuckled at Nev’s attempts at making things less odd and sheepishly asked where his pants were. Nev handed them to him and Max slipped them back on along with the scratchy bathrobe and made his hasty exit. Max slipped out of Nev’s room and back to his own as quickly and as quietly as he could. He sat on the floor of the shower in his room, letting the hot water wash over him but it couldn’t wash away the prickly sick heat of what he was feeling. There was guilt, confusion, remorse, and an absolute fuckload of what-in-the-actual-fuck-just-happened?

Yet underneath it all, there, right down beneath the steaming pile of dread-muck lurked something else. Something Max was sure would be burned out and consumed by everything else but it was a resilient little fuck. It was curiosity mixed with a tinge of excitement and a fiery little spark of lust that he refused to fully acknowledge. Not for now at least. Christ knows it had gotten its way already and now here he was, dealing with the fallout. 

He drew in on himself, thought about accepting that it had already happened. He simply couldn’t focus on it, wouldn’t think about the things they’d done in the heat of the moment. He was trying to figure out how things went back to normal after everything they’d done only a few short hours ago. How the hell was he meant to face the world after this? Nev had said it wouldn’t get weird but there was no denying that it already was. 

A gritty malaise of shame and bad coffee sat heavily in his stomach until the first of the crew showed up to take his mind off it. Even so, he still needed to navigate how to go back? Or to move forward? How in the fuck were they going to un-weird this? 

 

*

 

After a long day of reviewing A and B rolls and helping decide which bits went where and when and how to edit and cut it altogether, Max was beyond exhausted.

Once the crew left, he didn’t spend any more time with Nev than was necessary and retreated to his room without a further word. Nev had texted him to see if he was okay. He lied and said he was. He asked how Nev was, he told him the same. Max knew they were both liars, to each other and themselves. 

He’d seen enough with Nev last-night-slash-this-morning to know that he wasn’t okay either. Max had also recognised in Nev the same fronts he had put up for everyone else just to get through the day. 

Nev was clearly just as fucked up about everything as he was. 

And maybe tomorrow they’d find a way to figure this thing out.


	4. The Devil's Water and The Siren's Call

It was Saturday night and Max needed a drink. Alone. 

It had only been a day and a half since he and Nev... _well, yeah_... and he hadn’t faced him since work yesterday. 

His head was teeming with a million and one torturous thoughts and he wasn’t entirely clear on the rules of this thing, whatever it was. Max’s head hurt to think about it and beneath all of it lurked an all-encompassing culpability wrapped in a gossamer layer of searing anxiety. The insidious self-reproach and fear that he’d selfishly fucked things up festered inside of him. It was a gelatinous black sludge slowly oozing through his centre, lethargically coiling itself around his heart and crushing. If he’d cut himself right now, he was sure that a vile syrupy inkiness would seep out in place of his blood. 

Max wasn’t convinced that he could simply put it down to rampant horniness and curiosity, erotic dreams notwithstanding. He wasn’t some hormonal horny teenager for fuck sakes! Could he really pass it off as temporary insanity in the heat of the moment? Could he honestly say that he wouldn’t want it again? That he hadn’t wanted it all along? He had instigated it, hadn’t he? Sure, Nev had flirted with him but he was the one who’d busted into his room in the middle of the night and made out with his best friend, amongst other things. 

_Just what in the fuck were they gonna do?_

Before the response had a chance to become fully formed in his mind, Nev strolled into the bar. 

 

*

 

“Heyyy, Maxie,” Nev said casually, sidling up beside him. 

_Oh, god-fucking-dammit_ , Max thought, somewhat defeated. He wasn’t sure he was ready for this but, like it or not, Nev was here and he’d have to deal. 

Besides that, Nev had the brazen audacity to make a simple white t-shirt and jeans look sexy as fuck. Nev waved the bartender over and ordered a couple more beers while Max nursed his bottle and tried not to run his eyes over him, well, not in an obvious way at least. Instead, he trained his focus on the glittering line of bottles at the back of the bar, his fingers drumming a staccato rhythm against the cold bottle in a vague attempt at allaying the buzzing hornet's nest that had come to life inside his chest. 

“Hey, yourself,” Max said without making eye contact and taking a long swig from his beer.

Nev sighed heavily, also not meeting his eyes: “We should probably talk about...things.” He smiled in thanks as the bartender returned with the drinks. 

Max turned to face him finally, brow furrowed as he cast a quick glance around the somewhat empty bar: “I guess we probably should. But I dunno if _here_ ,” he gestured the slowly filling bar with the neck of his bottle, “is really the place for it.” 

Nev considered his point before handing one of the beers to Max, taking a careful sip of his own. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. But either way, we sure as hell can’t have another day like yesterday. Or today.” His words were a simple statement of fact, no malice or accusation evident. 

Nev took a longer draught from his bottle this time, eyes closing as he did. Max’s line of sight was drawn down to the hard line of Nev’s throat and very specifically, the bobbing of his laryngeal prominence as he swallowed. As he cast his eyes back down to the peeling corner of his own bottle’s label, Max considered Nev’s words and particularly the ones that remained unsaid. 

Max drained the last of his remaining bottle and started on the fresh one. _Jesus fucking Christ_. He had to get through this. And whatever it took, he knew that he would. 

 

* 

 

While they hadn’t all out fucked, they’d done plenty of other things that didn’t bear discussing in public. Neither of them broached that part of the conversation in great detail, because hey, they’d already lived it and weren’t ready to deal with any eavesdroppers picking up on those particular threads. 

They relocated themselves from the bar to an empty booth in the back corner of the establishment and spoke in hushed tones. As they talked, more beers were ordered which then progressed to a few shots of tequila because hell, they did have anywhere to be tomorrow and the rest of the crew had already made plans to head homeward. 

The last few shots of tequila started to burn out the lingering remnants of awkwardness until they were laughing at each other’s lame jokes. Thankfully, their former inhibitions were slowly but surely dropping like flags of surrender. The topic of conversation turned to their current cases and a million other things besides until they were back to how they were before everything that had transpired in the last couple of days. It just felt so fucking good to be somewhat _normal_ around each other again, circumstances notwithstanding. 

Before long, Nev had somehow convinced Max that they needed to be up on the dance floor. Max knew all too well that Nev could persuade almost anyone into doing anything and make them believe it was their idea in the first place. Well, for the most part. This idea was definitely all Nev; Max would hardly ever suggest such a thing. The high from the beer buzz and tequila burning in his veins made it all fall away, though. As long as Nev didn’t try to start a conga line, he’d be all right he supposed. 

What got them here in the first place (besides Nev nearly yanking Max’s arm out of its socket to drag him towards the dance floor) were the opening strains of Madonna’s “Get into the Groove.” Nev’s face lit up like Christmas when he recognised the first strains of the song and they were off like a shot. Max laughed as he followed in Nev’s excitable wake. Nev danced around him like an excitable kid and he encouraged Max to do the same. Max just laughed and nodded along to the beat, suddenly feeling strangely self-conscious under his gaze.

Nev sang at him and continued to dance around him trying to encourage Max to join him in his eager gyrations. Other patrons were also flooding the floor around them and Max started to feel a little less awkward without so much focus being centred on him and he started to move. Nev’s face lit up like a beacon – wide-eyed and smiling like a loon – and Max laughed at his reaction. More 80s tunes blared from the speakers and the crowd of dancers grew around them forcing them into closer and closer quarters. Not that either minded terribly, not at this juncture at least. 

Between rounds of bathroom breaks and more dancing were more beers and a few more sneaky tequila shots to keep the party going. Neither of them was going to be too poorly off tomorrow, as long as they didn’t hit it too much harder and remembered to drink water before crashing out. Another late 80s anthem had the small crowd amped up and they joined the partying fray once more. 

But in the dark recesses that lay far beneath the throbbing beat and swirling lights, they were quietly terrified of pushing the other too far, too soon. Now that they’d clawed back something akin to normality, there was no denying the persistent rhythm of eroticism swirling underneath everything that threatened to tear it all away again. Silent and unspoken it slithered around and between them, whispering its sweet-nothings and singing a beguiling siren’s song that had their pulses and bodies thrumming with need. 

In the gathering mass of bodies around them, Nev boldly crowded Max and he didn’t back away. He stood his ground in a silent challenge and willingly accepted him into his orbit. His senses were momentarily overwhelmed with every aspect of Nev’s scent; a layered fusion of citrusy aftershave undercut by cheap motel room soap and deodorant. The level beneath that and the faintest of all was his bare skin. Max breathed him in, the last of his fucks well and truly evaporating. All he needed was the slightest nudge and he’d be done for. Fucking game over, man. 

Nev had so far done little to dissuade any such notion as Max gently slipped an arm around his middle to pull him in closer. The boundaries, as blurred as they had become, were begging to be blazed through once again. The beat continued to pound around them as they moved in closer quarters, the call of a darker need making its undeniable presence known. 

“Sorry, I probably shouldn’t—“ Max droned through the haze of beer and tequila, his body crushed tightly against Nev’s whilst making no move to back away, which effectively contradicted the words tumbling out of his mouth. 

Nev leant in close to be heard over the music: “Do you want this?” 

Amongst the gentle pitch and sway of the developing crowd and the lights and music swirling around them, Nev’s words cut through it all and his voice anchored Max to the spot. The warmth of Nev’s breath skating across the soft skin of his throat made Max shudder. Gods, yes, he fucking wanted this. He just didn’t want to go through the awkward aftermath again. They couldn’t. But for now, he was focused on the way his blood hummed and fizzed with the charged possibility of going there again with Nev. It may have had something to do with all the tequila but then again... _no_.

He slipped a hand in behind Nev’s neck and pulled him in close as the final vestiges of his reticence took several backseats: “Fuck yeah I do,” he gritted low against the shell of Nev’s ear. 

The dirty sound of the word ‘fuck’ slipping from between Max’s lips curled around Nev’s brain, effectively short-circuiting him, and sending blood rushing into his groin. Nev made a quiet choked sound in his throat, his body stiffening against Max and he laughed to himself against his chest. Max and Nev stood stock-still as the dancers continued to jostle against them every so often. 

Nev pulled Max in tighter against him and lowering his head, laid a languid kiss against the soft juncture of his neck and shoulder making Max shudder against him. Max let out a soft sigh at the feel of Nev’s lips against his skin as the stirring embers sitting low in his belly were stoked to a raging inferno. 

Nev shifted his mouth up against his ear again to ask in a low rumble: “Your room or mine?”

No one in the little bar paid them any mind as they rushed out of the front door hand-in-hand into the night.


End file.
